When You Feel Less Than

There are days I feel really small.

Itty bitty.

Tiny up next to the size of the struggle around me and those looming ahead of me. 

And itty bitty next to great big?  It's scary.

Fear tells me I am weak and I listen long to those words.

My kids mess up. "I'm a failure."

I step out in my gifting. "Why would anyone listen to you?"

I look in the mirror. "You are going to walk out of the house looking like that?"

I scroll through Facebook. "Too bad you aren't as whatever as so-and-so."

Life feels big and uncomfortable and heavy- like Saul's armor draped on the little shepherd boy David- and panic sets in because I see how small I am...and I know a Goliath is close on my horizon.

All I really want to do is run from these ugly giants in my life.

Because little ole me cannot face big ole that. 

I sit around like the Israelites listening to Goliath heckle them for 40 days, 2 times a day(that's 80 stinking times- for those of you who don't want to hurt your brain).

They listened to what the enemy called them. 

They hunkered down in their smallness and gave ear to his lies.

But David stood up in the middle of feeling less than.

He didn't stand up in who HE was; he stood up in who GOD is.

He reeked of sheep and the world's armor was ill fitting.

But David was a worshipper and what went before him was the aroma of praise.

David was small but he threw off what did not fit and embraced what the Lord had given him: a sling shot and five stones, to be exact.

He didn't compare. He didn't complain.

I have a lot to learn about that.

Throwing off the world's ideals, not listening to the enemy's taunts of who I am and who I am not.

David had a confidence that was great big because he didn't just know the promises of his great big God- he believed them.

He lived large in the middle of the reality of his less than...and giants fell.

Psalm 138:3 in the Message version says this:

"The moment I called out, you stepped in; you made my life large with strength."

I love that! HE makes my life large. 

Not my trying, not my doing, not my fit pitching, not my fussing, not my creating, not my succeeding, not my attention seeking, not my anything.

My little life turns large when I cry out and turn it over to Him.

Those great bigs in my life are indeed great big.

But God is bigger.

I may indeed be less than, but in Christ I am greater than.
I can slay giants...and so.can.you.

It's time to live large.

Don't give up, mom.
Don't give up, dad.
Don't give up, teacher.
Don't give up, pastor.
Don't give up, student.
Don't give up, senior adult.
Don't give up, business owner.
Don't give up, dreamer.
Don't.give.up.
God is at work in you and for you. 

If you have breath in your lungs, He is not done with you yet, friend.

Grab your slingshot. 

Let's go take down some giants. 

"When I walk into the thick of trouble, keep me alive in the angry turmoil. With one hand strike my foes, With your other hand save me. Finish what you started in me, GOD. Your love is eternal—don’t quit on me now." 

Psalm 138:7-8 The Message

Spread Truth today! Post and Tweet this: 

"In Christ, I can live large in the middle of my less than...and giants WILL fall."-@JuliePMac #SimpleTruth

What giants are you facing? What has you convinced you are less than?
Have you seen this truth in your life? 
Comment below! 
I would love to pray for you and see how your story can encourage others to grab their slingshot!
There is power in community and power in prayer!

(Read more about David's story and God showing up great big in 1 Samuel 17) 

Noisy Bird

"How rude. I mean, doesn’t this bird know I am trying to spend some QUIET time with the Lord on this beautiful gulf coast beach morning?” 

That’s what I was thinking at first. 

I really did try to let it go and concentrate, but my ADD tendencies got the better of me and I full on immersed myself in the unfolding bird drama.      

This solitary bird standing on the shore in the dry sand was wailing…incessantly. 

As in shrill, ear piercing shrieks. 

Once I realized it wasn’t just chirping or doing its regular thing, I got a little concerned:

Maybe this bird is hurt? 

Can it even fly? 

Maybe she is a mama bird attracting away predators in ultimate sacrifice. 

Maybe she is warning her bird friends of impending danger. 

Maybe I should help this wittle birdie!

My curiosity was peaked…so I watched.

All week, I had been fascinated with birds that would fly over the shallow coastline and dive bomb the water to catch a fish. The precision and commitment was intense.

So I noticed that this noisy bird, still standing on and never moving from the shore, continually screeched at another bird flying nearby over the water as it fished. 

The fisher bird would come to the noisy bird and go back to the water again and again.

Noisy bird never missed a beat. Ever. 

It constantly cried out to the bird fishing.

And then, it happened.

The other bird caught a fish and took it to Noisy bird and fed it.

Then it happened again. And again and again.

The only time Noisy bird was silent, was in the 3 seconds it took it to swallow that fish, then it went right back to the wailing.

The fisher bird went out and back, out and back, over and over.

I was beginning to be inspired! 

Here is this bird willing to feed a fellow bird-injured and impaired-who is unable to fish on its own! 

But then, to my surprise, Noisy bird, who had seemed so bound to the shore-seemingly physically unable to do what would sustain its life- just took off in flight! <insert audible gasp on my part>

Now, this was no baby bird. 

It was full grown, just like the one feeding it. 

It had no impairments.

Yet, it pierced the atmosphere, demanding to be fed. 

And this fisher bird complied.

Then, Noisy bird got its fill of the whole ordeal and took off. 

But I kept thinking: what will happen when this bird gets hungry next time? 

Because, the funny thing about hunger is that it will always come again.

So what then? 

Will it make another scene, shrieking demands to be fed? 

Will some other bird be its fisher? 

The very hunger that gave rise to Noisy bird’s shriek could have been satisfied in beautiful stillness if the bird itself would have pursued its source of nourishment.

There would have been no need for the drama.

No need for the squawking.

Just focus. Then food. Then nourishment….and repeat.

This very bird who stayed noisy on the shore was created with vision to see into the ocean depths, to find its sustenance and strength in the vast ocean, and wings to rise above waves and dangers that could drag it down.

And so are we.

We were knit together to pursue our Source of sustenance and strength, to rise above.

But it’s so much easier some days to stand on the shore where we feel safe and pitch a fit and make noise.

The reality is, the most distracting and paralyzing noise in my life comes from my own mouth.

Instead of letting my soul hunger drive me toward the use of my uniquely given gifts, talents, and personality in the relentless pursuit of the Person of Jesus, I plant my feet and wail about my self-imposed emptiness.

Following Christ isn’t just about holding eternal death at bay.

It is about embracing the abundant life Jesus died for us to have.

It is about the soaring, the diving, the hunger…understanding that the more I seek Him, the more I find Him.

And there is growth in the pursuit.

Pursuit begins with choosing to move.

Choose to embrace all He created you to be and died for you to receive.

If you stay noisy on the shore, the joy of pursuit will never be revealed, the reward of encounter and fulfillment never truly experienced.

Staying hungry is a good thing. 

Waiting for somebody to bring you a meal on the shore? Not so much.

Yes, life is noisy. 

But let’s resolve that the noise that distracts ourselves and others from their pursuit of Jesus won’t be coming from us.

Take flight, friends.

No more noisy bird. 

  

The Dark Days

"I don't even know where to start. Except from this emptiness I feel trying to suck me into it like a black hole. I really am trying to get out. But it pulls so intensely on me. Jealously, fear, regret, failure, despair, loneliness, anger... they scream so loudly that I cannot hear...I just want to run and hide. But I can't. I am supposed to be the one who is always ok. I am supposed to be the one who just sucks it up and deals with it...I'll eventually be ok right? Sure. And so no one notices this gaping hole in my heart and spirit that is gushing blood so rapidly that I am pale and weak with emptiness."

This is an excerpt from my journal.

I share it because I bet that, even if you don't journal, somewhere in your life there is a piece of paper with similar words and similar heart hurts written all over it.

I share it because, I bet that you not only read those words, but you felt them with me.

I share it because, I bet you've never openly shared the intimate thoughts of your "dark days" either.

I share it because the "dark days" like to stay in the dark. They breed in the dark. They thrive in that murky hidden mess of my mind and yours. 

All those things we know and have learned seem to seep out of our grasp when dark days descend.

Our grip on the reality of who Jesus is and who we are in Christ all of the sudden feel slippery and unsure.

And so we are tempted to take up residence there. 

Worn and drained from the suffocating darkness, it feels safer and easier to stake our tent, hunker down until it all just passes us by.

But the other side doesn't come to you...you have to journey to it. 

Sunsets and sunrises are beautiful...but there is a reason nobody ever takes a picture of the dark. 

It is an ugly place to see.

But oh my...

it can be a lovely place to hear: to hear the voice of your Savior.

The dark amplifies what we cannot see. 

So we must choose to listen to the voice that not only is calling us to the light, but IS the light.

Tuning our ear to His voice is determination to travel toward the dawn.

When the darkness wants to envelope you, remember Jesus wants to embrace you.

When the darkness wants to blind you, remember Jesus wants to bind your wounds.

When the darkness wants to silence you, remember Jesus wants to sanctify you.

When the darkness wants to isolate you, remember Jesus wants to invigorate you.

When the darkness wants to berate you, remember Jesus wants to beautify you.

When the darkness wants to frighten you, remember Jesus wants to free you.

When the darkness wants to confuse you, remember Jesus wants to comfort you.

When the darkness wants to incite you to anger, remember Jesus invites you to peace.

When the darkness wants to taunt you, remember Jesus wants to teach you.

When the darkness want to stun you, remember Jesus wants to strengthen you.

When the darkness wants to paralyze you, remember Jesus wants to promote you. 

When the darkness wants to stay, remember Jesus came to SAVE! 

The simple truth is, 

there is always a dawn, even to the darkest nights.

But just as there is sunrise, sunset will come. 

And when, not if, the dark descends, we have two choices:

Let the darkness chain you

or

Let Jesus change you.

I don't know about you, but I am not going to sit down in it.

I am not going to make this my permanent address.

I am walking through.

And if I must walk through it, I don't want to walk out the other side the same as I walked in! 

So how do we move forward from this place? 

Do the next thing.

Breathe. 

Praise. 

Give thanks. 

Dive into the Word.

Actively exchange truth for the lies.

Repeat.

And one day, when you open your eyes, you'll blink wildly at that glimmer on the horizon, and you'll see a sun coming up in your soul.

You may not even recognize yourself...but you will have become so intimately familiar with Jesus, The Lover of Your Soul, that you actually are thankful for the dark days...not because you loved them, but because the most amazing thing happened there: you fell further in love with Him. 

Don't allow your dark days to chain you.

Allow Jesus to change you.

"Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

James 1:2-4, The Message

"Show me the right path, O lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you."

Psalms 25:4, 5 NLT

Rocky Places

Today, I walked barefoot on a slimy, rocky river bed.
It was a completely unexpected adventure, but a necessary one all the same.
So, I rolled up my pants, ditched my shoes and waded into the cold water alone, as my family stood watching, safe and dry on the shore.

A razor cut, fresh from the morning's shave, stung like a thousand needles.
And then, the rocks.
It didn't look so bad, but the sharp little suckers were hidden from sight under the sludge of sandy river bottom...but not hidden from the tender soles of my feet.
I felt every one.

I don't like the rocky places.

Being barefoot, sole exposed, on the smooth sandy places, now that's where it's at.(excuse the grammar)

But when the path gets rocky and painful to the exposed soul...ahhh becomes ouch, and every step reminds: this is not a smooth place.

And so steps are taken with intent and care, but still bearing the weight and the pain...always, the pain.

The necessity of the rocky places.
None of us long to embrace that necessity, but it calls us to all the same.

As I stepped gingerly across the rocks, an image I recently took came to my mind.

It was a geode.
At face value-ugly, forgettable, even worthy of disdain beneath the feet...but when time is taken to look at the rock, turn the rock, treasure can be found within.
Crystals-shimmering beauty-reflecting light with brilliant color, yet, all hidden to the sole too focused on the pain of it's rocky outter surface.

These hard places that bruise our souls are rocks of purpose placed beneath our feet.

If we will take time to see them as just that-treasure that enhances the path-we may come to discover the beauty of the rocky places.

So, when you find that its time to wade deep into the cold, unexpected waters of life, even if it is all alone...roll up those pants legs, ditch your shoes, and know...
...know that there is beauty and purpose ahead for your soul.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4 ESV

"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."
Isaiah 62:3 ESV

Help?!

I must have looked pitiful.
Or desperate.
Or exhausted.
Or near passing out.
I'm really not sure.
But it was over 90 degrees in the blazing sun, and the I was on the sidewalk of East Butler leaning over the heaviest punching bag I had attempted to carry the distance of what my trainer calls a 4BL- about 1/3 of a mile.

I had to power lift this bag to my shoulder, then go the distance.
Everything in me screaming, I would set mini goals in my mind, get to that point and then stop to breathe, and, of course, keep from falling out!

After a while at 4BalanceFitness, you forget about the passers by, those curious observers along the 4 lane highway. You simply do what's gotta be done, not focusing on what the gawkers may or may not be thinking!

But this day, as I was leaned over to rest before trying to reach my next mini goal, puffing hard, burning up, wiping sweat, I was a surprised and a little confused when a couple pulled up beside me and stopped.
The nice lady, with concern all over her face, leaned out her window and asked,
"Mam...do you need some help?!?"

At first I thought, "With what?!"
But then I realized how this whole scenario must have looked to these kind people!
They saw me, struggling ferociously with this massive punching bag, near exhaustion, and they wanted to relieve my struggle in some way if they could.

When all this finally sunk in- which took a minute because I was in "the zone"- I replied,
"Oh! That is so kind, but I am actually doing this for my workout! It's on purpose! I am fine just taking a breather. Thank you though-that is so sweet of you."
And with that, they smiled and drove a little ways then did a u-turn and went back about their way.

I chuckled a little to myself, imagining how ridiculous I must have looked to prompt them to do a u-turn and ultimately stop, but, then, I knew I had to pick up that bag and press on!

As I did, and it got harder, I thought, "Man I am paying for this! Wonder what those people would say to that?"

And then as I went further, I thought, "Whew, I should have said, YES, you CAN help! Let me load this beastly bag into your car and you can drive it just out of eye shot of the door to my gym and then I will carry it the rest of the way!"

But in reality, I wouldn't have traded a second of that hot, heavy, tiring punching bag carry...yes, I was worn, but I felt strong and knew that I would be stronger for finishing and finishing well.

So finally- and I do mean fiiiiiiinnnaaaaallllyy-I made it back to the door, bag hoisted high, finishing strong with a run to the door, my trainer Meg cheering me the rest of the way!

We had a good laugh about my sidewalk encounter that day, but as I began to think about all that had transpired, I realized that my journey as a Believer can often feel the same way.

There are paths of struggle that we are often called to walk-those heavy laden scorchers we never look forward to when God writes it out on that big training chalk board of your life.

And when we look at the path, it seems long and laborious and, at times, even impossible, yet, you know you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
And yes, sometimes we have to stop and catch our breath and set our eyes on small goals just ahead.

But more dangerously, we are often tempted to quit along the way.
We wait and hope for someone else to walk the path for us, to work these muscles in our place...but it doesn't work that way.

We have spiritual muscles that need to be trained and no one can do the walking, lifting, huffin and puffin for you.

These moments of exhaustion and desperation are really moments of strength.
These are the moments that make you stronger.
These are the moments that take you deeper.
These are the moments that make you DIG.
These are the moments you find Him and KNOW Him like never before!

Yes, you may look a sight along the way-disheveled and weary worn-but God's strength is being made a reality in you.
Yes, you may have to pause and regain focus, but He is there to cheer you, support you to the finish.

Place your feet on the tough path with God confidence.
He isn't desiring to tear you down, He is longing to build you and strengthen you beyond your imagination.

He has released all the power you need to walk it out and finish strong.

It doesn't mean that it will be easy, but it WILL be worth it...every step drawing you to Himself and a spiritual body that is fit and firm through the power of His Holy Spirit alive in you!

And the well-meaning helpers?
The gawkers?
The haters?
Show them all that quitting is not an option...because what lies across the finish line is a prize beyond compare!

Go the distance.

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:14 ESV

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it."
1 Corinthians 9:24 ESV

"Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach."
Deuteronomy 30:11 NIV84

"Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence.
No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it."
1 Corinthians 10:12-13 MSG

"We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy"
Colossians 1:11 MSG