No More Pack Mule

By myself at a random table in a Starbucks post dropping off my kids at school. 

That statement in itself is weird. 

Me? By myself? Weird. 

Kids at school? Weird. 

Me at Starbucks? Ok...that's pretty normal.

But I feel way out of my skin eating breakfast and drinking a fancy flat white- instead of my plain old coffee- and no one across from me at the table. 

I don't quite know what to do with all this- the here and the not here. 

I am caught thinking about all I want to do and then, all I don't want to stop doing. 

And then the Spirit whispers deep: 

In order to pick something up, you have to lay something down. 

You cannot carry all the things. 

When my kids were small, my father in law always called me a pack mule. Why? Because every time he saw me, I was carrying all the things. 

From a kid to diaper bags to Batman to trash. Times 3. 

I carried it all. 

Carry all the things. 

But that can't last forever. 

Kids grow, bags shrink, Batman gets lost, and well...they still give me their trash. 

But the truth is, we can only carry certain loads in life for a season.

And then it's time to set one thing down to pick another up. 

Better still? 

We set the good things down to pick the God things up. 

The load we have been used to carrying becomes too familiar. We tell someone wanting to help, "No don't grab anything! I've got it balanced. If you take one thing it will all come tumbling down." 

And maybe there are parts of what you're carrying that God wants you to keep. 

But maybe what's in my hands isn't meant for me to carry? 

Maybe someone else is standing there empty handed because I am carrying the good thing that's supposed to be their God thing. 

I am not meant to carry all the things. 

I am meant to carry my God things. 

Because that load is light. 

It may not be easy, but it is in proportion to the strength He has released for me to carry it. 

So I am sitting here, letting go and laying down what isn't mine to carry. Not knowing what it all looks like to pick up what He has put in front of me. 

But...

I know it's a God sized load that I was designed to carry. 

There are a lot of good things that I will have to lay down. 

But the God things can't be left behind. 

And you have to lay something down to pick something up. 

I won't be grabbing all the things, but I will be holding His things...and that is a load I can bear. 

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT

#SimpleTruth 

#First5App

The Leaving: Hope for a Mama's Heart

It's an unspoken mommy truth: one day they will leave.

This baby in your arms that you have waited on, prayed for, dreamed of, will one day drive away into their own dreams.

And so we push that truth down and blink away tears and keep that little unspoken dammed up behind our mommy wall so we can live the day.

Not because we wish it away or believe we can delay it, but simply because the thought of living without your heart seems paralyzingly impossible.

When they seek you out for a hug, advice, snuggles, quality time...the unspoken flashes before you, and you linger in that moment to help stand on your feet in the soon to come.

But how did we even get here? How are these little feet even walking, running, driving, going out into this big world without us holding those stubby little fingers in ours?

How did time sneak up on us?

No one tells you in those endless, sleepless nights of vomit and nightmares that it is inching closer. 

No one tells you in the sibling squabbles and slamming doors that it's closing in on the horizon.

When we wish any of it away, we move past the very moments that unite us in the days beyond the leaving. 

Every ache, every tear, every fight, every stumble are opportunities for roots to dig deeper, so they can fly higher.

Every laugh, every accolade, every face to face moment, every I love you, wire us for a lifetime of connection that distance cannot undo.

So yes, our hearts will ache with love and pride that swell as they stand up in who they are, this grown up human they are destined to be. 

And yes, that unspoken truth behind that wall in the depths of our mama hearts may even burst and result in a massive flood of tears and emotion.

But it isn't because we haven't known it was coming- it's because we didn't see how quickly it was approaching. 

Mommies know their babies will leave.

But we breathe deep because our babies know the truth we have been imprinting on their hearts every moment before this leaving one: they can always come back. 

Your baby may walk out of your door, they can never walk out of your heart.

Release the leaving and hold onto that mommy truth. 

#SimpleTruth 

When You Are GIVE.SLAP.OUT.

I hear the voice screaming:

"Give in! Give up!"

Why? Because I'm 

GIVE.SLAP.OUT.

Who's been there? Who is there? I know we all need to raise our hands on this one. 

From endless demands, to overloaded schedules, to impossible requirements...and the list goes on. 

We want to stop the crazy but we don't know how. We want to escape the hard because we have failed to bring the change we want to see. 

But you and I? 

We have a choice. 

Just because that voice is screaming, it doesn't mean its message is TRUTH. 

You and I? 

We can choose to stand up under that lie...that temptation to RUN FOR THE EVER LOVIN' HILLS. 

Because JESUS...He's been there. 

And JESUS? 

He's got a trade for you: 
Your heavy burden for His fullness of Joy- right smack dab in the middle of whatever crazy you're in. 

He wants to carry that weight. 

He has been tempted and has walked through it perfectly...so you don't have to crumble trying to.

Don't give in my friend. 

Don't give up.

GIVE IT OVER to God. 

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” 

Matthew 11:28-30

"This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." 

Hebrews 4:15-16

Breakfast with Daddy

"I'm famous in my Father's eyes

Make no mistake

He knows my name

I'm not living for applause

I'm already so adored

It's all His stage

He knows my name"

-"He Knows My Name"

 by Franscesca Batistelli. Listen here.

(full lyrics at end of post)

He woke me up with a phone call. 

It was my daddy.

He asked what I was doing at the moment, then he told me he was taking me to breakfast.

Because that is the way my daddy loves- on purpose and without hesitation.

And I needed that kind of love that rushes in and saves me from myself and my crazy.

I was sinking in the quick sand of life and listening to lies that screamed loud to define me.

And my daddy came to get me.

It's the kind of love that reaches back to where he sees me walking and loves me in that place. 

Not because of how I am walking through it, not in spite of my walking in that place. 

No, he loves me completely separate of any place he happens to find me wandering.

He just loves me.

I am his child. 

There is no accomplishment that changes that. There is no failure that taints that. There is no thing I can do to strengthen that truth. 

It simply is.

He loves me when I see clearly, he loves me when I walk blindly towards the cliffs of life.

He loves me when I soar on the heights of who I am, he loves me when I wallow in the muck of the worst of me.

He just loves me.

He loves me...and when he sees the world spewing lies all around me, he pulls me out of those moments and I can look into his eyes and I am just his little girl, wholly and completely loved, even as I sit a mess at the breakfast table.

And so my earthly daddy showed me the truth of my Heavenly Father on a random Tuesday morning of this life. 

That I can pull up a mess to the table He spreads before me and know I am loved.

Not because of what I have or haven't done...but just simply because of this truth: I am His child.

I am adored because of that truth alone.

There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less.

He rushes in to save me from myself and my crazy, without hesitation.

My Daddy will always come to get me.

He is mighty to save.

He knows your name.

He knows you- all of you....and loves you just as you are.

Accept the invitation.

Pull up to the table.

Look into your Father's eyes.

When you see that kind of love, it changes you.

You are so adored.

Post/Tweet this #SimpleTruth today:

"There is nothing I can do to make God love me more and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me less."- @JuliePMac #SimpleTruth

"For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” 

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT

"But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."

Isaiah 43:1 NIV

"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children."

Romans 8:14-16 NIV

"He Knows My Name"

Spent today in a conversation

In the mirror face to face with

somebody less than perfect

I wouldn't choose me first if

I was looking for a champion

In fact I'd understand if

You picked everyone before me

But that's just not my story

True to who You are

You saw my heart

and made

Something out of nothing

[Chorus:]

I don't need my name in lights

I'm famous in my Father's eyes

Make no mistake

He knows my name

I'm not living for applause

I'm already so adored

It's all His stage

He knows my name oh, oh,

He knows my name oh, oh

I'm not meant to just stay quiet

I'm meant to be a lion

I'll roar beyond a song

With every moment that I've got

True to who You are

You saw my heart

and made

Something out of nothing

[Chorus]

He calls me chosen, free forgiven, wanted, child of the King,

His forever, held in treasure...

I am loved

I don't need my name in lights...

I'm famous in my Father's eyes...

Facing My Ugly

Life sometimes feels like a blender.

You take all these good, recognizable, individual ingredients, cram them into this container and hit the switch.

What you end up with is usually looks pretty disgusting. 

The kind of thing that evokes the question, “You’re gonna drink that?!?”. 

Yeah, life can be like that sometimes.

My life feels like that now.

My response? 

White knuckle grip something! Nail it all down! Whatever it takes to keep it all in place- yeah, do that!

I realize I need to let go.

Let go of the things I long to control, but cannot. 

But realizing I need to let go leads me to an even more uncomfortable place:

staring in the face of why I want to hold on. 

And it’s ugly.

Kind of like if you were to google spider bite images or boils or goiters or something. 

That kind of ugly.

The ugly you wish you’d never seen.

The ugly you wish you could scrub out of your mind’s eye.

But I’ve seen it now…this ugly that’s in my soul.

And so I must face it.

But unlike those horrific images that haunt behind closed eyes, looking full on at the ugly in our own soul doesn’t have to leave us scarred and scared.

When we see the worst part of ourselves magnified under the lens of the Holy Spirit, it is to bring us forgiveness and freedom.

Forgiveness for attitudes, choices, thoughts, actions, that not only hurt the heart of God, but the hearts of His created.

Freedom to leave those destructive patterns in the past and walk forward in grace.

Clarity is a fickle thing. Sometimes you long for it, beg for it, plead for it…wait for it.

And then it comes.

But the problem with clarity is that you can’t unsee what clarity reveals.

Once you see it, you have to respond.

There is no such thing as a lack of response. 

You are faced with the choice:

obedience or disobedience- cooperate with the Holy Spirit or cooperate with the enemy.

Neither is easy.

But only one gives life.

The one thing we can control is our choice of whom we will trust when life spins out of control. 

And it will.

It’s time to let go and trust that God is who He says He is- not just in everyone else’s life- but in yours, and in mine.

See. Know. Trust. Receive. Live.

God can’t bless who you pretend to be.

It’s time to face our ugly…and replace it with life giving grace.

So blend away, life.

Jesus is showing me how to enjoy the ride…even in the face of my ugly.

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."

Ezekiel 36:26

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet."

James 4:7-10

Post or Tweet this:

"God can’t bless who you pretend to be.

It’s time to face our ugly, and replace it with life giving grace.”-@JuliePMac #SimpleTruth 

What are you holding on to?

What in life has you in the blender, dizzy from it all?

I would love to pray for you!

Comment below.

I Know You, Mom.

I know you, mom.

I know you feel like you are never enough.

I know you feel like you never hit the mark.

I know you because I know me.

There are no forms or formulas. 

No legitimate handbooks for the myriad of scenarios you face. 

Just you, feeling around in the dark, hoping that you don't break your neck or strangle somebody else's on any given day dealing with cranky little ones to mouthy bigger ones. 

I know you, mom.

I know you wake up each morning searching for how you can do it all with excellence, and then lie down each night only able to see where you did not.

I know you want to sear moments into your mind, into the mind of your child, but fear that you're both only going to remember all the wrong ones.

I know you go to work and feel like you've handed your heart over to the world.

I know you stay at home and feel like you are handing your children a worn out, used up version of the person you long to be.

I know you stand peering into their grown up lives, wanting to hand them nuggets of wisdom that they don't think they need.

I know you, mom.

I know you never stop worrying about what you haven't done and never stop wishing you could undo some of what you have.

I know you sit in the middle of the longest of days and wonder how you can do this.

I know you think about the short time you have left with them close by and try to find a way to breathe through the panic.

I know you sit lonely and worry and pray for the choices they are now making for themselves.

I know you, mom.

I know you are covered in baby food and Cheerios hoping for a shower this week.

I know you are surrounded by a Lego minefield wondering if your house will ever be clean again.

I know you are confined to your van taxi on countless afternoons.

I know you are waiting on the phone call from the kid who was supposed to call when they got there.

I know you are cooking meals and offering to babysit, because no matter where they are in life, your heart is never uninvolved. 

I know you, mom.

I know you love.

I know you dream. 

I know you hope.

I know you expect.

But I also know you hurt.

I know you despair.

I know you worry.

I know you ache.

I know you break.

But those shattered pieces? 

You are not the glue that holds it all together.

It is the Grace of Jesus.

In every place, mom, He knows you.

In every place, mom, He equips you.

In every place, mom, He empowers you.

In every place, mom, He is WITH you.

Wherever you are, when you want to be precisely what your child needs, press into the heart of the Father.

It isn't your perfection they need...it's your pursuit of Jesus.

So keep showing them.

Show them real.

Show them love.

Show them forgiveness.

Show them grace.

Show them, mom.

Laugh at your crazy and you won't lose it at theirs.

Unashamedly make time to breathe, so you can find peace in the pieces.

Respond to mama guilt by choosing to give thanks.

Quiet regret with small intentional moments today.

Live your days, mom.

Live your days with praise that you had breath to do it, and His ever-present grace to flood where you were less than.

Because HE is greater than. 

He is greater than your biggest fear, mom.

Even in that panic thought that rises in the night, He is greater than.

Live your days with His greater than, mom.

I know you.

I know you are thinking it would be nice.

I know you are thinking you can't.

I know you are inspired but feel inadequate.

I know you, mom.

But I know Him.

I know He says He will make your strength perfect. (Psalm 18:32)

I know He says He will be faithful to do what He has called you to.(1 Thessalonians 5:24)

I know He says nothing is impossible with Him.(Luke 1:37)

I know Him, mom.

And He knows you.

"For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT)

I know you, mom.

I know you are chosen, beautifully broken, with power to shape the next generation and courage to do it with grace.

And I know you will.

Take heart, mom. 

I know you: 

YOU are a world changer powered by Grace.

How to Scramble Eggs...and Eat Them

Scrambling eggs.

I am pretty sure it's the first thing I ever learned to legitimately cook by myself. So, of course, it was one of the first things that I taught my Caroline to cook as well. 

If you know anything about homeschooling(or if you don't then I am about to be really transparent here), you know that the days can be discombobulated and full of a gazillion things and directions all while learning is supposed to be taking place. 

So much so, that some days, the "cafeteria lady" (ummm...me), gets so busy that she forgets to...errrr...uhhh...fix lunch.

So it's a good thing my 10 year old now knows how to scramble eggs(the one thing this cafeteria lady always keeps in stock) from scratch to finish.

On a recent day that turned out to be one of those days where I considered to fake a potty break just to get to sit down and escape for 2 seconds, but then I remembered they will still find me...yeah....on one of those days, it was no surprise I saw Caroline pull out the pan and get to cooking because she was "starving". 

I proudly watched her do her thing with confidence, responsibility and care. And, as a seasoned homeschooler, I seized the opportunity to mark Home Arts complete for the day, and then, went back to my business.

I am guessing it was about a half-hour later that I was helping Caroline with her Math. 

Having trouble focusing and being rather irritable, she finally says with all the drama a 10 year old girl can muster, 

"I am sooooo hungry!"

I looked at her confused and said, What about your eggs? They didn't fill you up?"

Her big brown eyes widened and shocked at herself, she said, 

"Oh no, Mama! I forgot to eat them!"

Now you see, I taught her how to cook the eggs, I supplied her with the eggs, the pan etc...and she even cooked them...but until she eats them, they will never satisfy the hunger that drove her to them.

And so we "mature" Believers, leaders, teachers, pastors, who have access to the Word, know how to glean from the word, even know how to teach, tell, speak, sing the Word, find ourselves along the road of life, unfocused, irritable...dramatically, and even secretly, lamenting over the pain of our own spiritual starvation.

And all along...we have simply forgotten to eat.

We've prepared, shared, taught, counseled, attended, listened, but we have not eaten.

When we don't eat, we don't receive nourishment. 

And without nourishment, there will be no growth.

The grocer, the chef, the server, the dishwasher: they all have to put fork to mouth at some point, or they will never be fed. 

Being in the presence of the meal is not enough.

The nutrients that quiet the hunger are only released, only give life, when they are consumed.

Don't forget to eat.

Being in the presence of spiritual things, the rituals of religion...these things are not enough.

Take.

Eat.

Be nourished.

Let's stop starving in the presence of the banquet table of The Lord.

So go ahead...scramble those eggs...just don't forgot to eat them.

"Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food." (Isaiah 55:2 ESV)

A Thick Chick Gets Schooled

Yes, I homeschool...but sometimes I get schooled by my kids.

Sunday morning, rushed and scattered as I attempt to get myself and everyone else out the door, I stopped for my "I stay awake and others stay alive" cup of coffee. 

My 12 year old son, Jonathan, came and stood beside me, checking out my ear with his laser pointer. Why, you ask? Because he had apparently "never looked in an ear with this thing before". 

Once bored with that(a staggering 10 seconds later), he said, 

"Alright Mama, get ready for laser surgery."

Playing along, I quickly retorted, "Oooohhh good. Make sure you get right here and right here.", gesturing towards my hips and rear.

He looked at me with such a truly sad, rather appalled and angry expression, and released this arrow of truth to my spirit:

"Mama, 

why are you being so mean to yourself?"

I didn't honestly know how to respond.

His words left me convicted and speechless.

Mostly because I didn't have a valid answer.

There is no good reason.

I make daily choices to live an active, healthy lifestyle, to be strong and fit. 

But this other...well...these are just things I have always said...cloaking my own deep seeded dissatisfaction and self loathe in humor of some sort.

But...no one has ever really called me out on it in this way- until now.

And I am quite certain I am not alone.

So I will do for you what my 12 year old did for me:

Why are YOU being so mean to yourself?

Sadly, if you're like me, you've become desensitized to your own self criticism- 

barely even hearing the condemnation that comes out of your mouth, makes its home in your thought life...and as a result strikes dangerous blows to your soul. 

It isn't harmless, humorous, or humble.

It's hateful.

There is nothing wrong with striving towards excellence in all that you are or all that you do: family, education, health, fitness, job, and the list goes on...

But there is everything wrong with abusing God's most valued creation in the attempt to get there: you.

You're valuable not because of all that you were, are, or could be. 

No, you are valuable because HE has determined your worth! 

Striving to be better is futile. Striving to know Jesus? Empowering! 

Because here is the amazing part:

He knows you best...and He still loves you the most.

Hard to comprehend? I know.

Hard to believe? I know.

Hard to let go of old patterns? Heck yeah, I know! 

But can you imagine with me for a moment, your Heavenly Father looking with such adoration at His created one, as Love holds your face in His hands, and with piercing simplicity says, 

"Why? Why are you being so mean to yourself?"

So...I grab grace yet again, asking Him to take all of me and replace it with all of Him...believing....believing that regardless of the image staring back at me in my mirror this truth remains:

what I may see as a nothing, God created for a something.

Regardless of where you are, or even where you aren't: stop being mean to yourself.

Choose His perspective.

Your Creator makes no mistakes...let Him sculpt the Masterpiece. 

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; 

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."

Psalm 139:13-16 MSG

#stopbeingmean

#grace 

#Psalm139