Facing My Ugly

Life sometimes feels like a blender.

You take all these good, recognizable, individual ingredients, cram them into this container and hit the switch.

What you end up with is usually looks pretty disgusting. 

The kind of thing that evokes the question, “You’re gonna drink that?!?”. 

Yeah, life can be like that sometimes.

My life feels like that now.

My response? 

White knuckle grip something! Nail it all down! Whatever it takes to keep it all in place- yeah, do that!

I realize I need to let go.

Let go of the things I long to control, but cannot. 

But realizing I need to let go leads me to an even more uncomfortable place:

staring in the face of why I want to hold on. 

And it’s ugly.

Kind of like if you were to google spider bite images or boils or goiters or something. 

That kind of ugly.

The ugly you wish you’d never seen.

The ugly you wish you could scrub out of your mind’s eye.

But I’ve seen it now…this ugly that’s in my soul.

And so I must face it.

But unlike those horrific images that haunt behind closed eyes, looking full on at the ugly in our own soul doesn’t have to leave us scarred and scared.

When we see the worst part of ourselves magnified under the lens of the Holy Spirit, it is to bring us forgiveness and freedom.

Forgiveness for attitudes, choices, thoughts, actions, that not only hurt the heart of God, but the hearts of His created.

Freedom to leave those destructive patterns in the past and walk forward in grace.

Clarity is a fickle thing. Sometimes you long for it, beg for it, plead for it…wait for it.

And then it comes.

But the problem with clarity is that you can’t unsee what clarity reveals.

Once you see it, you have to respond.

There is no such thing as a lack of response. 

You are faced with the choice:

obedience or disobedience- cooperate with the Holy Spirit or cooperate with the enemy.

Neither is easy.

But only one gives life.

The one thing we can control is our choice of whom we will trust when life spins out of control. 

And it will.

It’s time to let go and trust that God is who He says He is- not just in everyone else’s life- but in yours, and in mine.

See. Know. Trust. Receive. Live.

God can’t bless who you pretend to be.

It’s time to face our ugly…and replace it with life giving grace.

So blend away, life.

Jesus is showing me how to enjoy the ride…even in the face of my ugly.

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."

Ezekiel 36:26

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet."

James 4:7-10

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"God can’t bless who you pretend to be.

It’s time to face our ugly, and replace it with life giving grace.”-@JuliePMac #SimpleTruth 

What are you holding on to?

What in life has you in the blender, dizzy from it all?

I would love to pray for you!

Comment below.

For My Poplar Springs Family

Words seem so small when you are trying to express such an expanse of time, emotions looming large and memories so deep.

But still, some words need to be spoken, not just assumed…because these moments and days long for them like salve for the hurting and confused and fearful soul that is walking down this unknown and uncomfortable path. 

Both for the soul staying and the soul leaving. 

So this is my heart.

Friend to friend, family member to family member, life to life.

To you…from me.

To all those who watched us, young and naive, on that stage- young in love and diving into life together- engaged and stepping forward into life together: thank you for believing in us, supporting us. 

Thank you for walking us through the newly wed years that quickly turned into parenting years! 

For helping us walk through ministry with little ones that jus kept coming summer after summer it seemed! Lol! 

We could not have done it without your willingness to pray for us, babysit for us, embrace us in every way that 20 somethings need when they think they have a clue but don’t. 

Your grace was our hope and success.

Thank you.

To the church staff and leadership: Thank you for giving my husband the opportunity to walk out the call of God on his life. 

In the good and the hard times through these many years, we know God was sovereignly shaping the very things He needed in us so that we could step out into His call even now. 

We thank you for being a part of the process of growth. 

I pray that the Spirit’s fire is ignited in each of you like never before, all for the glory of our amazing God. 

May you look full into His wonderful face and see the person of Grace like never before.

May you breathe compassion for the broken, forgiveness for the fallen, and passion for the Lord.

May the His Kingdom be your focus, and His Holy Spirit your guiding voice above all the noise.

I love you in the Lord. 

To all those parents through the years and even now who saw what God was doing in spite of who we were and are and entrusted your teenagers, your children to our ministry: thank you for believing in us. 

We know we never got it perfect, and we got it wrong a lot, but we have always loved. 

Thank you for letting us love on your most precious gifts. 

Know that every choice we made was for one purpose: to bring a generation closer to the very heart of God. 

Water those seeds every second you get.

To all my church Mamas- and you know who you are- I cannot even type without tears.

You have prayed for me, loved me, supported me, cheered for me, kept me focused like no others. 

You taught me to be proud to stand up in the calling on my life as a mother, unashamed of who He has created me to be. 

It is because of you that I was able to step out into His call for me to homeschool my children. 

I looked for your faces on those Sunday mornings that I wanted to be in bed with the covers over my head, stuck in my pity parties. 

Yes, it was your smiles and hugs that reminded me of the Father’s love and energized me to run after His presence instead of sit down in my circumstance. 

It is my turn now. 

I promise to make you proud. 

Thank you for teaching me how to love this way: full of mama grace.

To the teachers, adults, mentors who have poured Jesus into my children: I cannot even begin to tell you what you mean to me. You have pointed my children to Jesus Sunday after Sunday, year after year. 

You have encouraged them, taught them, cried with them, held them, rocked them as babies, guided them as teens, run and played with them as children, wiped their tears, kissed their boo-boos, watched them take first steps, come to Jesus, be dedicated to Him, and discipled them in ways that a mama and daddy just can’t sometimes. You have had eternal influence in their lives! I know that I never said thank you enough. I appreciate your obedience to serve so much. 

Never doubt that what you do makes a difference! 

To my choir comrades: you will never know the privilege it has been to praise with you, laugh with you, learn with you. 

Thank you for trusting this far from expert to lead you into the Throne room with my out of the box ways. 

Standing in front of you watching you catch fire with the light from His face was my great joy and it is emblazoned into my soul. 

From Easter productions to concerts, to practices, there are memories that I will cherish for a lifetime and on into eternity. 

Pursue His presence above all else my friends. 

The veil is torn…praise your way to His feet with every breath, every note. 

The sound from that place will pierce the atmosphere. 

I love you each one of you.

To the children who sang, acted, and danced their hearts out for me through the years: I love your sweet little faces. I have loved acting like a goofball with you and for you. 

You always rose to every outrageous expectation. 

You are the picture of worshipping with abandon: No pretension, no apprehension…just pure praise. 

I loved every second. 

And to you ladies that were on that journey with me…wow what a team. Even in the stress there was unspeakable joy. 

Sing on. Dance on. Act on. Carry on. 

Keep calm and Sing Praise. :)

To the "other half of my brain"-you know who you are: there will never, ever be another you. (I can’t see through the ugly cry to type any more.)

To our fellow local, world travelers through the years-from camping to white water rafting, to camps, to the Dominican Republic, to Nicaragua, to Alaskan Wilderness: what MEMORIES! 

I smile at the thought of each journey. 

God sculpted so much in our lives through these days and weeks. 

Experiences cannot be recreated, but their lessons can be lived out. 

And that is my prayer. 

Whether it was how to love, how to have deeper friendships, how to laugh in the face of frustration and the unexpected, how to walk in faith and trust, how to simply slow down and enjoy life, how to share space, how to push through exhaustion, how to change a thousand flat tires, how to speak loud the name of Jesus even when they don’t speak your language, how to live to the fullest right where you are…that is what I am asking the Holy Spirit to overflow in your life. 

May those experiences nourish you and whet your appetite for more just like it in the days ahead.

To my Sunday School 10th graders through the years: that hour each Sunday has forever impacted my life. 

You challenged me to step way outside the box and listen to the Holy Spirit in ways I had not before so that I could reveal His Words and His Life to you. 

From fireworks in the back parking lot, to plantings in the church yard, to balloons, and games and my passionate rants…you followed me. I learned from you to open up my life in a way I hadn’t before. 

And I bet you know what I am gonna say: This is your critical year. Take PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY for your relationship with Jesus. Remember that the ONLY truth in this world is God’s Word; everything else is just an opinion. 

It is all about relationship, not religion. 

Fall in love with Jesus…and let the WORLD know. 

You are world changers.

To the Lifesource band who trusted me in the craziest of ways: I love you guys. 

Even when I know I drove you crazy, you still jumped headfirst with me into the presence of God. 

Every note we played together, every moment we worshipped together is so precious to me.

Thank you for trusting my heart to lead those students past going through the motions and challenge them to press in to deep places of genuine worship. 

That alone has been the desire of my heart, and will forever be my prayer for you and for them. 

My prayer is that performance and platform will never take precedence over the passion for His presence.

To the Sunday morning smilers…the ones who engaged with me from that stage, who followed me into His presence and let freedom reign in them through worship:Thank you. 

You may or may not even know who you are…but I do. 

And you reminded me why I had that microphone in my hand. 

It has never been about being heard. It has always been and will always been about making Him known. 

Seeing your willingness to hear HIM and respond unashamed is so beautiful. 

Keep going to that beautiful place, unashamed. 

You never know who you are encouraging with your boldness and purity of worship.

To our Bootcamp buddies: we have enjoyed living out a lifestyle of health with you! Thanks for always making it fun and working hard! We pray that you still go after inside out health as you walk through life! You can do ALL things through Christ! And to you plank, rep, and/or movement cheaters…you know who you are…you can hear me yelling!  Every rep counts! Love you guys! :)

To the students we have done life with, laughed with, cried with, text with, snap chatted with, pranked with, danced with, dressed up with, traveled with: what a fabulous journey you have made this for us. 19 years has left us with generations of children, now in all stages of life. You all will never know that joy we have in seeing you grow in life, but most of all, fall in love with Jesus. 

That will forever be our heart for you. 

No wee hours of the night will ever be too late or too early for you to reach out for us…we are always here for you.

We are so proud of you.

So. proud.

Remember the more you seek Him, the more you find Him.

He is not done with you.

Stand with arms high and heart abandoned.

He has EVERYTHING you need.

I love each and every one of you so. stinkin’. much.

To my fellow Homeschooling mamas: you are an answer to prayer! 

You have walked through so much with me. 

And I am so thankful to have friends who understand the reality and blessing of this journey. 

Being able to worship with you has been an added bonus! :) 

We will have a Bella night soon! Know I am always here for you!

To my Sisterhood friends: 11 years of all in for Jesus with you has produced fruit that none of us can fully recount. 

You filled my spirit with a sister kind of love that is so extraordinary. 

Thank you for giving me the privilege of pouring out Jesus to you year after year. 

Thank you for holding me accountable and loving me through my mess…God is not finished with us yet my friends!!!

To our family friends and "we do life with you" friends: there will forever be coffee nights, and skiing, and Twin Palmetto, and camping, and group texts, and blessing ceremonies, and games, and New Years Eve, and concerts, and sleepovers, and movies, and birthdays, and workouts, and…and...life. 

God just anoints friendships sometimes in ways we can’t explain.

You showed me that it isn’t the "minister’s family" against the world…a lesson I needed to learn. 

You made me brave. 

You helped me tear down walls I had built in my heart that I for so long never knew were there.

You gave me courage to trust God with my heart and love people for real, and that every now and then, you get this crazy amazing blessing of them loving you back with a Jesus kind of unconditional love. 

We are forever friends…and I am forever thankful.

To our Poplar Springs family as a whole: leaving you is the hardest thing we have ever done. 

But we love you all so much that we know we must go.

When God calls us to obey, we know that we have to follow. 

If we did not, we would not only hurt ourselves, but we would also be ultimately hurting the very ones we love so dearly, the very ones that make leaving so hard to do.

I am still grieving, still weeping through it all, because stepping out of the boat is scary and huge and lonely and the ocean seems like its going to swallow me up some days. 

So never think that for a moment that this is easy or trite or that we do not understand your pain and sadness , because we do. 

And know we are praying you through it.

But here is true beauty in it all: we may not be under the same roof on a given Sunday morning, but we are all on the same team.

We have the same Father. 

And nothing can change that.

Let’s choose to remember we are united in Christ for Kingdom purpose.

Let’s choose to break molds and stereotypes and be people that cheer our team members on as we all, individually and corporately in all different kinds of ways, live out loud for Jesus and go hard after making His Kingdom a reality here on this earth.

Make your mark on this world for Jesus, Poplar Springs.

I am cheering for you.

I always will be.

Your fingerprints are all over my life, the life of my family.

And I am forever grateful.

All my love.

For His Glory,

Julie P. McNeely

 

 

Lion's Dinner?

It was really only supposed to be background noise.
And so, I had relegated it to just that- at least until the Lord decided otherwise. 
And just like that, an Animal Planet tv show about the savannas reached out and grabbed me with this statement: 

Lions only go after prey that enter their own territory!

According to this narrator, there is no specific line in the savannas where one can see the area that belongs to one pride or the next.
Only one who knows that particular pride, or is familiar with them, could give warnings and indications if you are getting too close to the area that belongs to the pride...to the lion...to the predator...to the enemy.

Immediately my spirit went to 1 Peter 5:8: 
"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour."

It is so easy to haphazardly wander into dangerous territory as we become distracted with the burdens, pressures, and propositions of the world, of life.
When our focus shifts to our good intentions and personal efforts, we lose sight of where we are.
We roam outside the circle of obedience, that place of safety the Father has created for us where His blessing and favor flow freely, and instead, find ourselves in the midst of the enemy's territory.

But just as one would be insane to leave their guide in the savannas, so we are when we take our eyes off of the One Whose wisdom will warn us if we are dangerously close to paths and areas infested with the enemy.

1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties  on Him because He cares for You."

Keep your eyes on the Lord, trusting His wisdom and guidance.
Even when you cannot see the very dangers He is warning you about, just trust.
He knows what you cannot.
You don't have to fret and plan ways to hopefully avert the dangers.
You just have to let Him be your guide.
Humbly surrender to His guidance.
Let Him care for you.

Being "sober-minded" and "watchful" means being focused...focused on God! NOT the enemy! 

Our problem is not a lack of watching our territory and steps...our problem is thinking that in doing so we will,by our own good intentions, out smart the enemy!
Don't step and then ask God to bless it or remove all the lions from it!
Ask the Lord if the territory you are moving towards is His to begin with!

Don't become the lions dinner.


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Keeps ur eyes on the Lord,ur hands about His work,ur mind in His Word,ur life in His hands.He knows.He cares

In the Course of Time

1 Samuel 1:20
"So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel, saying, 'Because I asked the lord for him.'"

Every step of faith, every breath we utter a petition before the Lord, we must realize that there is a course of time.
God ordained the course of time for human pregnancy and birth.
We understand that and accept it because it is known.
It is generally understood that nine months are needed to grow and birth a baby...

But what about the thing you have gone to God about and have fully believed him for and have been assured it will be provided, yet the pregnancy lingers on?

These are the days, months and years that weigh heavy...because we do not see the end in sight.
We don't have a pregnancy calendar or tracker to tell us what developmental stage the thing we are giving birth to is in...we simply must move forward each day in FAITH.
We must keep making choices that bring health, life and growth to the promise that was planted in us, that we carry deep in our bellies, so that we are ready for labor and birth and the LIFE is to follow!

Faith that there was a planting.
Faith that the seed is growing.
Faith that labor will begin.
Faith that birth will happen and we will survive it.
Faith that it's life will be gloriously God's......all in the course of His time.


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Make faith choices 2day that bring life n growth 2 specific promises God has planted in you. #trustHistiming

The Night Before the Step of Faith

"Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, 'Abraham!' 'Here I am', he replied. Then God said, 'Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering...' Early the next morning, Abraham got up and saddled his donkey." 
Genesis 22:1-3

I wonder what it must have been like. 
The night before, God tells Abraham to go sacrifice, aka kill, his precious son...and then Abraham has to go to bed.
What? 
That had to be one crazy night! 
I can imagine that night was a night of an epic battle between spirit and flesh...heart and head...seen and unseen....
Faith versus sight went head to head during the night. 
Thats probably why it says he got up early the next morning....because he wasn't sleeping anyway!....
...or was he?...

Abraham was obviously a man of stellar faith, but he was also human. 
Did he simply take God at His word, no questions asked, and sleep like a log that night?
Or did he plead through the wee hours of the night for God to choose, or to find another way?
But, here's the thing...in the end, no matter how he spent the night, it's what happened when the sun crept above the horizon that matters:

He loaded his donkey. 

When it was time to move, he moved. 

When it was time to step out in faith, he stepped. 

He may have been bright eyed and bushy tailed, or he may have been baggy eyed and sleep deprived...but...in faith he began the journey. 

Maybe it was in those wee hours that God, in His sovereignty, also began the journey of a certain ram up a specific mountain called Moriah. 

Maybe it was in those wee hours that provision had already begun making its way to the exact place and time of need.

The night was that time in-between time where we wrestle with the choice to remain on the path of faith,
where we seek the face of God for a glimmer of understanding, 
where we live through the discomfort of the necessary alignment of our flesh with His perfect unsearchable will...
where we see the near daybreak of the realty of what we must do, and we wonder......

Can I really load that donkey? 

Because that, well that makes the trip real. 
That puts feet to the command. 

Early the next morning. Early the next morning. Early the next morning.

Abraham didn't know exactly what God would do or would not do.
But I am sure he rested in the fact that he knew God...and that was enough. 

He had only to release his faith and he knew God would do what needed to be done because only God really knew what that need was anyway. 

So Abraham did what he knew to do...he loaded the donkey.

How will I choose to emerge from the night in-between the call/the command and the step out in faith? 

Will the doubt of the in-between time be victorious and cause me to sleep in? 

Will I get distracted when my feet hit the floor?
Or
Will I prepare and load the donkey for the specific journey of faith to which He has called me?

Will I focus more on my lack of rest than on my position of being just outside the circle of obedience? 
Or 
Will I care enough to plunge into that obedience regardless of what my flesh may say or likely experience?

Who God is. 
THAT is my strength, my focus, my drive.

"Here I am."

I have only to step out in faith. 
To obey.

Time to wake up and load the donkey.

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Who God is.THAT is my strength,my focus, my drive.He is enough...enough for me to step out in faith n obey. #forhisglory

Obedience...(sigh)...

Obedience is not a word that is looked upon fondly in our culture these days. It is delicately omitted from wedding vows, and other conspicuous places because of it's supposedly burdensome nature.

But as I talked with my tween son the other night, who was so heavily burdened with the lack of his own disobedience, the Holy Spirit gave me a fresh perspective.

Frustrated with himself, Alex shared with me rather feverishly how he had declared that he was restricting himself from all he things he enjoyed most, things, that by the way were not wrong or evil things...but all the same he was no longer going to allow himself access to those things because every time he got so wrapped up in them, he tended to disobey.

So, he figured, if he removed those things, took all the fun and joy away, then he would be able to obey.

This, my friends, is the picture of living in the law.

We realize that we need to obey, but are so distracted when we try in our own strength, that we come to the conclusion that we must remove everything we hold dear or find joy in, so that obedience is all that's left to do.

What a distorted perspective we have!

Obedience is not the barrier that is dropped to separate us from all the things we enjoy!

No! God intended it to be the doorway to all the joy and treasures that He has awaiting you!

Obedience is the access point to the fullness of God!

Obedience is our joy!

Obedience is our privilege!

Before you guffaw at this claim, hear me out.

When the Holy Spirit points out an area in which He is asking you to obey, it isn't to keep you from something, it is to open the doorway to a new and fresh spiritual experience, a new and fresh fullness of Himself so that your very burden of trying to BE good enough can be lightened as you realize that in CHRIST alone...you already are!

This, my friends, is the picture of GRACE!

1 John 5:3-5 says, "This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

The victory of overcoming the sinful patterns of my life, whether they are in thought, attitude, or action, is the gift of the Holy Spirit to me...if I am willing to unwrap it...in OBEDIENCE.

What use or good is a gift left wrapped, bow and paper in tact, on the shelf?

It only gathers dust.

The person to whom the gift was given has knowledge of the gift, but they can only experience a shadow of the joy and purpose for which the gift was intended to impart.

It has to be opened by way of obedience.

Maybe you don't know HOW to open the gift...maybe it is a strange and unfamiliar package that you are unsure of how to navigate.

Well here is your hope: YOU KNOW the GIVER! His HOLY SPIRIT lives in you. You are able because He is able.

Obedience is NOT fulfilling the law or commands through your own efforts, ideas, structures, maintenances or rituals.

For what good is obedience if it is driven by the root of bitterness?

Obedience is NOT trying to be holy or achieve holiness.

For what good is obedience if it is inspired by the root of pride?

Obedience IS fully embracing Christ in the midst of all the imperfection and sinfulness of my flesh that is continuously clamoring to lure me elsewhere.

Holiness is Christ. So as I embrace Christ, I will bear the fruit of holiness...I will find myself walking in obedience even when I am unsure of how to place one foot in front of the other.

How? Because it is Christ at work in me.

It is His love that compels me. It is His grace that inspires and humbles me.

"With an abundance of natural strength we are useless to God. With no strength at all, we can hold on to Him. And with His strength flowing through us, 'we are more than conquerors'(Rom 8:37)...I cannot please God, but there is no 'I cannot' in Christ. 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me'(Phil 4:13)" -Nee

Understand today that obedience is not something God simply wants FROM you...it is what He wants FOR you.

God desires for you to RECEIVE all the riches of His grace, all the blessings of His love, all the fullness of His power, through the doorway of Holy Spirit empowered obedience.

"Now what I am commanding you to do today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach." Deuteronomy 30:11

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Obedience is not a barrier. It's the doorway to the fullness of the gifts of our limitless God, who empowers u thru His grace.