What to Wear

Changing out clothes. 

Let's just say me and "The Great Swap" have a love/hate relationship.

Yes, I'm thankful that I have clothes to swap out(for those of you reprimanding my shallowness in your mind).

But it's the changeover itself that I wish I could just snap my fingers and have completed. Done. Over with.

The sorting, the tossing, the decisions, the piles, the "oh my word, did I actually purchase and wear that" moments...bleh. 

I usually know it's time for "The Great Swap" when I find myself on the edge of or in the midst of a new season standing in my closet lamenting, "I don't have anything to wear!" 

And I dream about filling my closet with anything new and wonderful that I could find to fulfill that gaping hole in my wardrobe.

But we all know in reality, what I am really saying is that every outfit I've tried just doesn't work. 

It's not that I don't have clothes in my closet, I just haven't found the right clothes.

It's that "what to wear" moment that plagues us all.

And every female reading this knows how that affects not just your appearance but your whole mood and attitude! Can I get a witness?!? 

I face that question every day. And I answer it-sometimes better than others. Yikes. (Especially in the 90's- I mean I answered that question so horribly, so often.) 

I wouldn't dare randomly and blindly grab from my closet with just a mere hope that what ends up in hand works for my day and destination ahead.

And yet...I do it every day in the spirit.

My spirit. My heart. My true self. My life. The most important part of who I am...do I ever stop and contemplate the "what to wear" moment that faces me each morning for my spirit? 

In Luke 24:49 Jesus says,
"I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high."

Over and over in scripture we are told to clothe ourselves with Christ Jesus and the character and power found therein: compassion, humility, strength, dignity...and the list goes on. 

So what am I allowing to clothe my life? 

Just as I choose to put on physical clothes each morning, I choose to clothe myself spiritually as well. 

Or even worse, I walk around spiritually naked, exposed, unprepared.

In this passage, Jesus makes a promise: a promise of power. 

Not a power that we can muster on our own, but a power from on high- a supernatural, heavenly power. 

A never-failing, ever present, perfectly portioned power.

But instead of picking up this gorgeous garment that is exactly what I need, I stand in the closet of my mess and pilfer through the ratty torn and tattered pieces and convince myself they I will do. 

They are comfortable. And they don't draw any attention. 

I can just blend in and auto pilot my way through life as usual.

That is the effect of the absence of Holy Spirit clothed power, after all.

So here is the real question:

Why clothe my life with the enemy's reject hand me downs when in reality I am a daughter of the One true King?!?

I have full access to His unlimited power in every area of my life.

Every. Stinkin. One.

Really.

So will I reach for it? 

Will I choose to wear it?

Or will I leave it hanging there in the closet amidst everything else I've tried that doesn't work, doesn't fulfill...and go through my day whining on the inside that all too familiar, 

"I don't have anything to wear!" ? 

You may be like me, standing on the edge of a new season- or even smack dab in the middle of it- wondering what to wear. 

Feeling like nothing works. It's affecting your mood, your attitude, every atmosphere you enter.

It's time for the The Great Swap.

I won't lie, friend. It isn't easy.

There is work involved.

And some moments, it may seem like that pile never ends.

But when you pick up the Holy Spirit's power, you'll find yourself perfectly clothed for the season you are in.

Come rain or shine or heat or cold of life, you will be prepared to face it with strength and joy.

When you outfit from Victory, you no longer have to worry about trying to attain it- it's woven into very the fabric of who you are. 

Changes and choices are never easy.

Clothe yourself with power.

Jesus made a way for you to wear the ultimate power suit. 

Don't settle for rags. He died to give you riches.

What will you clothe yourself with today? 

I choose Jesus. Praying you will, too. 

You Know a Person with an Eating Disorder

It may not be you, but it is more than likely a struggle of someone you know. Hear their voice...

I am your daughter. I am your sister. 

I am your son. I am your brother. 

I am your best friend, girl friend, boy friend, classmate. 

I am the skinny girl. 

I am the obese guy. 

I am the one who looks like they have it all together.

I am the cheerleader, the singer, the dancer, the band nerd, the jock, the class president, the valedictorian. 

I am the sorority girl, fraternity guy.

I am the Bible study leader, the barista, the roommate, the random date, the store clerk. 

I am the teacher, the gym buddy, the soccer mom, the new mom, the working and stay at home parent, the CEO.

I am a person with an eating disorder.

I am scared and deceived and desperate...and you may never know it. 

I am looking at my life spiral out of control, and I feel helpless.

I am crying out for help, but in this nightmare, no words form on my lips, no sounds escape from my mouth.

I am silenced by fear.

I am paralyzed by impending judgement.

I am suffocated by misunderstanding.

I am quietly marching to the rhythm of deception and secret and appearances.

I am dying every day because I am blind and deaf to truth and identity.

I am controlling the only thing I feel like I can control.

I am chasing perfection that can never be caught.

I am harder on myself than you could ever be.

I am exhausted and alone.

I am a person with an eating disorder. 

But helping me? 

Helping me is only a breath away. It begins when you break through the deafening silence, shatter the glass walls I've built. 

Do you see me?

Do you know me?

Please. Help. Me.

It's as easy as ABC...

Be AWARE of my actions and things I may be trying to hide.

Be BOLD to reach out to me if you suspect I am trapped in this vicious, self-destructing disorder. 

Be COMMITTED to holding me accountable. 

Be DETERMINED I seek professional help. 

Be ENCOURAGING every step of the way- even when you do not understand what I say, what I think, or what I do.

Be FAITHFUL to celebrate my small goals met. It will result in my major victories. 

Be GRACE. Because I never show any to myself. I need someone to show me what it looks like to stand up after a fall. 

Be HOPE. I am in the deepest dark and I need to be reminded that the light still exists. 

Be INSPIRING, directing conversations and focus to things that carry eternal, not earthly weight.

Be JOYFUL. I am good at feigning happiness...but joy escapes me.

Be KNOWLEDGABLE about the disease, it's signs and symptoms.

Be LOOKING for the masked symptoms I am working so hard to disguise. 

Be MINDFUL of your words in relation to body image and beauty. I catalogue them all.

Be NOISY when it comes to calling out the unhealthy and unrealistic portrayals of beauty all around.

Be OPEN to having hard conversations with me. 

Be PATIENT. Remind me-and you-that my disorder didn't develop in a day, and it will not be healed in one. 

Be QUIET and let me speak my fears, struggles, and temptations without judgement.

Be RESISTANT to the temptation to assume that I simply have an issue with food or portion control.

Be SAFE by keeping all diet products and paraphernalia out of my reach while I am on the road to recovery. 

Be TOUGH when I want to escape. Remind me that it's about what I am running toward instead of what I am running from. 

Be UNWILLING for me to accept our culture's ideals. 

Be VALIANT. Don't assume someone else will come to my rescue.

Be WICKED in my eyes: TRASH THE SCALE! 

Be eXPECTING me to deceive you, especially in the beginning.

Be YOU. Don't share your perfections with me. Tell me how you overcame YOUR struggles.

Be a ZOMBIE killer! Help me lay down the stench of death and 

pick up LIFE! 

I am a person with an eating disorder...

...and by reading this, and sharing this truth...

you may have just saved my life. 

*************************************

Having struggled with an eating disorder for over 4 years in my late teens and early 20s, and it's ever lingering after effects and struggles even today, it's time to demystify these disorders and recognize them for the serious issue they are. 

They are hidden and hideous.

They are deceptive and devastating to mental and physical health. 

They are everywhere. 

Culture glamorizes, laughs, and scoffs at these disorders.

But they are real.

And it isn't just the teenagers, the models, the stereotypical. 

I want to give a voice to all of the those you would look at and say, "I had no idea".

I want to empower the loved ones, the concerned ones, who don't know how to go any further than the phrase, "I had no idea."

Hear their voices. 

Educate.

Inform.

Be bold.

Take action.

Rescue.

Growing in Grace and Living Simple Truth,
~Julie

Find more information on this subject, check out National Eating Disorder Awareness 

A Thick Chick Gets Schooled

Yes, I homeschool...but sometimes I get schooled by my kids.

Sunday morning, rushed and scattered as I attempt to get myself and everyone else out the door, I stopped for my "I stay awake and others stay alive" cup of coffee. 

My 12 year old son, Jonathan, came and stood beside me, checking out my ear with his laser pointer. Why, you ask? Because he had apparently "never looked in an ear with this thing before". 

Once bored with that(a staggering 10 seconds later), he said, 

"Alright Mama, get ready for laser surgery."

Playing along, I quickly retorted, "Oooohhh good. Make sure you get right here and right here.", gesturing towards my hips and rear.

He looked at me with such a truly sad, rather appalled and angry expression, and released this arrow of truth to my spirit:

"Mama, 

why are you being so mean to yourself?"

I didn't honestly know how to respond.

His words left me convicted and speechless.

Mostly because I didn't have a valid answer.

There is no good reason.

I make daily choices to live an active, healthy lifestyle, to be strong and fit. 

But this other...well...these are just things I have always said...cloaking my own deep seeded dissatisfaction and self loathe in humor of some sort.

But...no one has ever really called me out on it in this way- until now.

And I am quite certain I am not alone.

So I will do for you what my 12 year old did for me:

Why are YOU being so mean to yourself?

Sadly, if you're like me, you've become desensitized to your own self criticism- 

barely even hearing the condemnation that comes out of your mouth, makes its home in your thought life...and as a result strikes dangerous blows to your soul. 

It isn't harmless, humorous, or humble.

It's hateful.

There is nothing wrong with striving towards excellence in all that you are or all that you do: family, education, health, fitness, job, and the list goes on...

But there is everything wrong with abusing God's most valued creation in the attempt to get there: you.

You're valuable not because of all that you were, are, or could be. 

No, you are valuable because HE has determined your worth! 

Striving to be better is futile. Striving to know Jesus? Empowering! 

Because here is the amazing part:

He knows you best...and He still loves you the most.

Hard to comprehend? I know.

Hard to believe? I know.

Hard to let go of old patterns? Heck yeah, I know! 

But can you imagine with me for a moment, your Heavenly Father looking with such adoration at His created one, as Love holds your face in His hands, and with piercing simplicity says, 

"Why? Why are you being so mean to yourself?"

So...I grab grace yet again, asking Him to take all of me and replace it with all of Him...believing....believing that regardless of the image staring back at me in my mirror this truth remains:

what I may see as a nothing, God created for a something.

Regardless of where you are, or even where you aren't: stop being mean to yourself.

Choose His perspective.

Your Creator makes no mistakes...let Him sculpt the Masterpiece. 

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; 

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."

Psalm 139:13-16 MSG

#stopbeingmean

#grace 

#Psalm139

Rocky Places

Today, I walked barefoot on a slimy, rocky river bed.
It was a completely unexpected adventure, but a necessary one all the same.
So, I rolled up my pants, ditched my shoes and waded into the cold water alone, as my family stood watching, safe and dry on the shore.

A razor cut, fresh from the morning's shave, stung like a thousand needles.
And then, the rocks.
It didn't look so bad, but the sharp little suckers were hidden from sight under the sludge of sandy river bottom...but not hidden from the tender soles of my feet.
I felt every one.

I don't like the rocky places.

Being barefoot, sole exposed, on the smooth sandy places, now that's where it's at.(excuse the grammar)

But when the path gets rocky and painful to the exposed soul...ahhh becomes ouch, and every step reminds: this is not a smooth place.

And so steps are taken with intent and care, but still bearing the weight and the pain...always, the pain.

The necessity of the rocky places.
None of us long to embrace that necessity, but it calls us to all the same.

As I stepped gingerly across the rocks, an image I recently took came to my mind.

It was a geode.
At face value-ugly, forgettable, even worthy of disdain beneath the feet...but when time is taken to look at the rock, turn the rock, treasure can be found within.
Crystals-shimmering beauty-reflecting light with brilliant color, yet, all hidden to the sole too focused on the pain of it's rocky outter surface.

These hard places that bruise our souls are rocks of purpose placed beneath our feet.

If we will take time to see them as just that-treasure that enhances the path-we may come to discover the beauty of the rocky places.

So, when you find that its time to wade deep into the cold, unexpected waters of life, even if it is all alone...roll up those pants legs, ditch your shoes, and know...
...know that there is beauty and purpose ahead for your soul.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
James 1:2-4 ESV

"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."
Isaiah 62:3 ESV