Facing My Ugly

Life sometimes feels like a blender.

You take all these good, recognizable, individual ingredients, cram them into this container and hit the switch.

What you end up with is usually looks pretty disgusting. 

The kind of thing that evokes the question, “You’re gonna drink that?!?”. 

Yeah, life can be like that sometimes.

My life feels like that now.

My response? 

White knuckle grip something! Nail it all down! Whatever it takes to keep it all in place- yeah, do that!

I realize I need to let go.

Let go of the things I long to control, but cannot. 

But realizing I need to let go leads me to an even more uncomfortable place:

staring in the face of why I want to hold on. 

And it’s ugly.

Kind of like if you were to google spider bite images or boils or goiters or something. 

That kind of ugly.

The ugly you wish you’d never seen.

The ugly you wish you could scrub out of your mind’s eye.

But I’ve seen it now…this ugly that’s in my soul.

And so I must face it.

But unlike those horrific images that haunt behind closed eyes, looking full on at the ugly in our own soul doesn’t have to leave us scarred and scared.

When we see the worst part of ourselves magnified under the lens of the Holy Spirit, it is to bring us forgiveness and freedom.

Forgiveness for attitudes, choices, thoughts, actions, that not only hurt the heart of God, but the hearts of His created.

Freedom to leave those destructive patterns in the past and walk forward in grace.

Clarity is a fickle thing. Sometimes you long for it, beg for it, plead for it…wait for it.

And then it comes.

But the problem with clarity is that you can’t unsee what clarity reveals.

Once you see it, you have to respond.

There is no such thing as a lack of response. 

You are faced with the choice:

obedience or disobedience- cooperate with the Holy Spirit or cooperate with the enemy.

Neither is easy.

But only one gives life.

The one thing we can control is our choice of whom we will trust when life spins out of control. 

And it will.

It’s time to let go and trust that God is who He says He is- not just in everyone else’s life- but in yours, and in mine.

See. Know. Trust. Receive. Live.

God can’t bless who you pretend to be.

It’s time to face our ugly…and replace it with life giving grace.

So blend away, life.

Jesus is showing me how to enjoy the ride…even in the face of my ugly.

"And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart."

Ezekiel 36:26

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and he’ll be there in no time. Quit dabbling in sin. Purify your inner life. Quit playing the field. Hit bottom, and cry your eyes out. The fun and games are over. Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet."

James 4:7-10

Post or Tweet this:

"God can’t bless who you pretend to be.

It’s time to face our ugly, and replace it with life giving grace.”-@JuliePMac #SimpleTruth 

What are you holding on to?

What in life has you in the blender, dizzy from it all?

I would love to pray for you!

Comment below.

What to Wear

Changing out clothes. 

Let's just say me and "The Great Swap" have a love/hate relationship.

Yes, I'm thankful that I have clothes to swap out(for those of you reprimanding my shallowness in your mind).

But it's the changeover itself that I wish I could just snap my fingers and have completed. Done. Over with.

The sorting, the tossing, the decisions, the piles, the "oh my word, did I actually purchase and wear that" moments...bleh. 

I usually know it's time for "The Great Swap" when I find myself on the edge of or in the midst of a new season standing in my closet lamenting, "I don't have anything to wear!" 

And I dream about filling my closet with anything new and wonderful that I could find to fulfill that gaping hole in my wardrobe.

But we all know in reality, what I am really saying is that every outfit I've tried just doesn't work. 

It's not that I don't have clothes in my closet, I just haven't found the right clothes.

It's that "what to wear" moment that plagues us all.

And every female reading this knows how that affects not just your appearance but your whole mood and attitude! Can I get a witness?!? 

I face that question every day. And I answer it-sometimes better than others. Yikes. (Especially in the 90's- I mean I answered that question so horribly, so often.) 

I wouldn't dare randomly and blindly grab from my closet with just a mere hope that what ends up in hand works for my day and destination ahead.

And yet...I do it every day in the spirit.

My spirit. My heart. My true self. My life. The most important part of who I am...do I ever stop and contemplate the "what to wear" moment that faces me each morning for my spirit? 

In Luke 24:49 Jesus says,
"I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high."

Over and over in scripture we are told to clothe ourselves with Christ Jesus and the character and power found therein: compassion, humility, strength, dignity...and the list goes on. 

So what am I allowing to clothe my life? 

Just as I choose to put on physical clothes each morning, I choose to clothe myself spiritually as well. 

Or even worse, I walk around spiritually naked, exposed, unprepared.

In this passage, Jesus makes a promise: a promise of power. 

Not a power that we can muster on our own, but a power from on high- a supernatural, heavenly power. 

A never-failing, ever present, perfectly portioned power.

But instead of picking up this gorgeous garment that is exactly what I need, I stand in the closet of my mess and pilfer through the ratty torn and tattered pieces and convince myself they I will do. 

They are comfortable. And they don't draw any attention. 

I can just blend in and auto pilot my way through life as usual.

That is the effect of the absence of Holy Spirit clothed power, after all.

So here is the real question:

Why clothe my life with the enemy's reject hand me downs when in reality I am a daughter of the One true King?!?

I have full access to His unlimited power in every area of my life.

Every. Stinkin. One.

Really.

So will I reach for it? 

Will I choose to wear it?

Or will I leave it hanging there in the closet amidst everything else I've tried that doesn't work, doesn't fulfill...and go through my day whining on the inside that all too familiar, 

"I don't have anything to wear!" ? 

You may be like me, standing on the edge of a new season- or even smack dab in the middle of it- wondering what to wear. 

Feeling like nothing works. It's affecting your mood, your attitude, every atmosphere you enter.

It's time for the The Great Swap.

I won't lie, friend. It isn't easy.

There is work involved.

And some moments, it may seem like that pile never ends.

But when you pick up the Holy Spirit's power, you'll find yourself perfectly clothed for the season you are in.

Come rain or shine or heat or cold of life, you will be prepared to face it with strength and joy.

When you outfit from Victory, you no longer have to worry about trying to attain it- it's woven into very the fabric of who you are. 

Changes and choices are never easy.

Clothe yourself with power.

Jesus made a way for you to wear the ultimate power suit. 

Don't settle for rags. He died to give you riches.

What will you clothe yourself with today? 

I choose Jesus. Praying you will, too. 

Scandalous

Sometimes is is easier to pretend than to be real.
It's easier for me to pretend that I am ok.
To pretend I am not racked with
hurt
jealousy
fear
bitterness
confusion
insufficiencies
doubt
failure
frustration
and the list goes on...

Because doesn't fake live longer?
I mean, like,  forever?
Doesn't the artificial end up superior in the race for longevity?
It is plastic and perfect, streamlined and efficient.

From Barbie in the dream house to the nails on my fingertips to the fruit in the coffee table bowl.

And there are days I want that.
All. of. That.

I want the plastic existence.
I want to pretend.
I put forward the artificial.
Because it feels like perfection.
It feels like it.

Plastic doesn't yell at her kids and escape by letting them linger on their devices all day.
Mrs. Pretender doesn't ever cry herself to sleep, isn't consumed by fear.
Artificial doesn't get angry at the world and circumstances.
Perfection.
*eye roll*

But the fruit in the bowl?
I notice it's dusty.
Untouched. Unused.
A pre-relic with no purpose.

Barbie?
Someone has to create her life for her.
She doesn't even have the power to move, to breathe.
She cannot reproduce life...she cannot even live it.

And these french tips?
They can't grow. They just cover up the real thing.

So what's missing?
Life. Real life.
The plastic, the perfect, is only offering us a deceptive invitation to imitation.

And so we RSVP because the pretending and the plastic seems to hurt so much less...at least in public, anyway.

The artificial doesn't have to feel all that fear and pain and hurt...right?
But it also never has the opportunity to heal...
to love,
to grow,
to reproduce the beauty that makes this world worth waking up to,
to find purpose and to go hard and fast in the direction of her dreams.

It's true: fake may last longer. But it doesn't actually live.

So today, I am ripping up piled high stationery on the desk of my life.
All those invitations that beckon me to dress up and put on my best appearance, plastic performance.
All those masquerade balls that want me to exist in artificial anonymity so that others aren't inconvenienced by my imperfections- my living.
I. am. shredding. them. ALL.

Because we all have one ultimate choice to make:
imitate life
or
live it.

Me? I choose Grace. Scandalous Grace.
It is the only way I will ever truly live.

What do you choose?

John 1:16

"For from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace."

John 10:10

"The thief comes only to steal kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."

Listen and worship to these words of worship by Hillsong United

#GraceLife
#SimpleTruth

A Thick Chick Gets Schooled

Yes, I homeschool...but sometimes I get schooled by my kids.

Sunday morning, rushed and scattered as I attempt to get myself and everyone else out the door, I stopped for my "I stay awake and others stay alive" cup of coffee. 

My 12 year old son, Jonathan, came and stood beside me, checking out my ear with his laser pointer. Why, you ask? Because he had apparently "never looked in an ear with this thing before". 

Once bored with that(a staggering 10 seconds later), he said, 

"Alright Mama, get ready for laser surgery."

Playing along, I quickly retorted, "Oooohhh good. Make sure you get right here and right here.", gesturing towards my hips and rear.

He looked at me with such a truly sad, rather appalled and angry expression, and released this arrow of truth to my spirit:

"Mama, 

why are you being so mean to yourself?"

I didn't honestly know how to respond.

His words left me convicted and speechless.

Mostly because I didn't have a valid answer.

There is no good reason.

I make daily choices to live an active, healthy lifestyle, to be strong and fit. 

But this other...well...these are just things I have always said...cloaking my own deep seeded dissatisfaction and self loathe in humor of some sort.

But...no one has ever really called me out on it in this way- until now.

And I am quite certain I am not alone.

So I will do for you what my 12 year old did for me:

Why are YOU being so mean to yourself?

Sadly, if you're like me, you've become desensitized to your own self criticism- 

barely even hearing the condemnation that comes out of your mouth, makes its home in your thought life...and as a result strikes dangerous blows to your soul. 

It isn't harmless, humorous, or humble.

It's hateful.

There is nothing wrong with striving towards excellence in all that you are or all that you do: family, education, health, fitness, job, and the list goes on...

But there is everything wrong with abusing God's most valued creation in the attempt to get there: you.

You're valuable not because of all that you were, are, or could be. 

No, you are valuable because HE has determined your worth! 

Striving to be better is futile. Striving to know Jesus? Empowering! 

Because here is the amazing part:

He knows you best...and He still loves you the most.

Hard to comprehend? I know.

Hard to believe? I know.

Hard to let go of old patterns? Heck yeah, I know! 

But can you imagine with me for a moment, your Heavenly Father looking with such adoration at His created one, as Love holds your face in His hands, and with piercing simplicity says, 

"Why? Why are you being so mean to yourself?"

So...I grab grace yet again, asking Him to take all of me and replace it with all of Him...believing....believing that regardless of the image staring back at me in my mirror this truth remains:

what I may see as a nothing, God created for a something.

Regardless of where you are, or even where you aren't: stop being mean to yourself.

Choose His perspective.

Your Creator makes no mistakes...let Him sculpt the Masterpiece. 

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; 

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."

Psalm 139:13-16 MSG

#stopbeingmean

#grace 

#Psalm139

A Foul Encounter

"Seriously?
All I wanted was to get a foul ball for my kids!"
That's what was going through my mind, as I found myself in one of the most awkward moments one could encounter as a pastor's wife, mom of three at a Greenville Drive Baseball game.

We sat on the grassy hill, near the top and had observed rather aggressive attempts amongst unattended kids to get foul balls which frequented the area. My kids knew better than to even engage in that nonsense, yet they wanted a ball SO badly.

This reality is what drove me to stand to my feet as a foul ball headed our way, landing atop the netted kids area.
I was so focused on that ball, because...Mama WAS gettin' that thing for her babies!
No one else near me, no hands even close to my angle on the ball, it rolled off the net right into my outstretched left hand!
I was ecstatic!
The ball had gone from the bat into my hand.
It was MINE!

I turned around, bringing my hand down, anticipating giving the ball to one of my children, whom I knew would be close by...and then...it happened.

In a literal blink of an eye,
I was MOBBED!

Before I could even wrap my brain around what was going on, I found myself at the bottom of a dog pile of about 20 prepubescent boys, clawing at my hand, trying to pry open my grip, finger by finger!

These kids had never even been near this ball!
It had not bounced around from person to person, it had not been dropped, fumbled or even remotely in reach of ANY of these kids...it WAS most assuredly MINE....

Yet, these boys were determined to steal it right out of my hand, no matter how they had to do it!

I sat in shock underneath this testosterone overload, death gripping the ball, thinking surely they will see I have it and move on...but nooooooo.

Finally, on the verge of panic mode, I went beast!
Using all the arm strength I had, I yanked the ball to me and screamed,
"GET OFF ME!!!"

It went rather silent.

I furiously STOOD up, bewildered, and astonishly asked,
"What is wrong with you kids?!
And WHERE ARE YOU PARENTS?!?"

Well, if it wasn't awkward before...it was now!

They began to disperse, realizing they had messed with the wrong woman.

Some of them mumbled about having almost had it, blah, blah, blah...
Which I quickly corrected, reminding them no hands, save my own, had been on that ball...
And...I may or may not have told one smart mouth punk of a kid to go tell his friends he got beat by a girl...(not my finest moment, I know.)

But here's the truth of it:
These boys had literally just jacked up a 35 year old woman for a baseball!

They were no respecter of persons, there was no hesitancy because of age or size.
They wanted to take what I had and if pulling me to the ground would do it, then so be it.

But losing that ball was NOT an option for me.
Sure, I could have let go, surrendered what was rightfully mine.
Yes, it would have been easier, and I wouldn't have had the scratch marks and huge black bruise on my left hand for all those days after.

But that was MY foul ball.
Mine to have, mine to share with my kiddos.

So I dug in, and hung on and after what seemed like forever, but was only a couple of minutes, there I was...posing with that ball as my husband took a pic through his incessant laughter at all that had just transpired!

You, too, have an enemy that is no respecter of persons.
He is watching and waiting for you to grasp the blessings and joy that God has for you...and he is ready to TAKE YOU DOWN.

Just as you maneuver to pull it close and maybe even intend to spread the love, he is right there, vying to catch you off guard, wrestle you to the ground and convince you to surrender what is rightfully yours:
joy, freedom, wisdom, intimacy, power, peace...

He will claw at areas of your life, determined to pry open your grip on truth finger by finger!

But losing is NOT an option!

Don't be paralyzed by shock and disbelief, caught pondering the "why" of the circumstance!
Focus on the Giver
Focus on the good and perfect gift.
Focus on taking full ownership of what is rightly yours to possess as a son and daughter of the King of Kings!

We must be prepared for battle.
Never caught off guard, and ready to exert all the GOD STRENGTH that the Holy Spirit so freely gives!

"So let God work his will in you. Yell a loud NO to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and He'll be there in no time."
James 4: 7 MSG

Your enemy seeks to steal and devour, to intimidate and bully you out of the fullness of your inheritance.

But the reality is, HE is already defeated!
Like a child trying to take the ball from a fully capable and healthy adult, the only way he can take what is yours, is IF YOU LET HIM!

Don't surrender.
Don't give in.
God's fullness and blessing are worth the resistance you will face, the surface wounds you may encounter.

So RISE UP!
And live FROM Victory!

"Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the Master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet."
James 4:10 MSG

"Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up."
1 Peter 5:8 MSG

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
John 10:10 ESV

"Oh, the utter extravagance of his work in us who trust him-endless energy, boundless strength!"
Ephesians 1:19 MSG

Alaska Advetures: Awakened

A whopping 3 hours of sleep:
That was how we greeted Sunday, our first full day in Alaska.
Sleepy and a little blurry-eyed we awoke to clouds and cold rain for the sight seeing adventures ahead. Undaunted, we started the day right at a local mega church called Change Point Alaska.
The church was very welcoming and we all really enjoyed the pastor's teaching.
I struck up a conversation with a nice lady who sat in front of us before service started. Born and raised in Alaska, she welcomes the opportunity to share information about her home and was interested to know about the sights we intended to see that day, as well as our mission in days to come.
As I told her about our anticipation in seeing more of the beauty around us today and in our travels even further north Monday, she mentioned that she has family that lives along one of the routes we would be traveling and how she travels it often.
But it was her next statement that caught my attention and would ring in the ears of my spirit throughout the day. She said,
"We travel that so much that I don't even see the mountains anymore, ya know?"

Hours later, we headed south of Anchorage on Seward Hwy to Portage, a very scenic highway that travels along the Turnagain Arm, mountains to your left, sea to your right.
Translation: STUNNING BEAUTY!
My camera was smokin' from all the pics I was snapping!
We may have just stopped at every scenic pull off available!
And heads that had been nodding, heavy eyelids knocking on the door of slumber, were now wide awake seeking to take it all in!

A little later, we happened up on the Alaska Wildlife Reserve and decided to take the two mile loop to see moose, bears, bison, caribou, bald eagles and more! The picturesque scenery with these amazing animals resulted in some great photo ops!

Then came the most astounding adventure of the day: a 0.8 mile walk out to the Bryson Glacier.
To attempt to describe the absolute breathtaking beauty would be a travesty on my part.
It was almost too much for my eyes to behold!
I, yes I, was speechless!

Yet...
as we wondered at the snow capped peaks and glacier looming before us, the lady's voice echoed within me volumes above our oohs and ahhs:

"...I don't even see the mountains anymore..."

How?
I questioned constantly in my mind...
How can you NOT see this?
How can THIS become commonplace?
How do you lose the sense of awe and wonder?

And the Lord spoke softly in the peace of this creation, HIS creation, and said,
"It may not be mountain majesty, it may not be rushing glacier waters, but you,too, miss me all around you every day."

And I know deep inside He is right.

I allow what my God calls beautiful to fade into the common every day.

I miss the opportunities for Him to wake me from the blurry-eyed trance of the world and see the wonder of His creation, His created, all around me.
I become numb to the chances available to me to engage in this beauty, this part of life that revives and renews and rejuvenates...that propels me into His abundance of living.
But how?
How do I get to this place where I let myself to become immune to His majesty?
Blind to His greatness?
Deaf to His voice?
Apathetic towards His created ones?

I know Him. I mean I KNOW Him.
Yet...
I find myself, like the lady, more concerned with where I am going than where God has me right NOW.

And I miss Him in THIS moment.

And because of that, someone else may miss Him through me.

What I have seen of my God, what I know of my God...that is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg.

I can never get to the end of God.

There is always more breathtaking revelations He longs to display before me, to sprawl out in beauty for me to experience...
And I sit nodding, eyelids heavy with the weight of world...
And I don't even realize I'm not seeking out and soaking up His mountainous grandeur anymore.

Pull over, take your eyes off the highway, allow His Spirit to wake you from the world's slumber and deceiving lullabies...
and
SEE.

Life, real life,
true beauty,
divine appointments
in God portioned abundance are positioned all around you.

And they will leave you speechless.

Then we can live out loud that old truth, words we mutter in song:
"I was blind...but now I see."

Awake our souls to the work of Your hands this week, this day, Lord!
Awake my soul...and sing!

"I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eyes see you."
Job 42:5

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."
John 10:10

"'So-who is like me? Who holds a candle to me?', says The Holy. Look at the night skies: Who do you think made all this?...
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go.
God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired or pause to catch His breath.
And He knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to the dropouts...But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles. They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind."
Isaiah 40:25-31 The Message