Sunday morning, rushed and scattered as I attempt to get myself and everyone else out the door, I stopped for my "I stay awake and others stay alive" cup of coffee.
My 12 year old son, Jonathan, came and stood beside me, checking out my ear with his laser pointer. Why, you ask? Because he had apparently "never looked in an ear with this thing before".
Once bored with that(a staggering 10 seconds later), he said,
"Alright Mama, get ready for laser surgery."
Playing along, I quickly retorted, "Oooohhh good. Make sure you get right here and right here.", gesturing towards my hips and rear.
He looked at me with such a truly sad, rather appalled and angry expression, and released this arrow of truth to my spirit:
why are you being so mean to yourself?"
I didn't honestly know how to respond.
His words left me convicted and speechless.
Mostly because I didn't have a valid answer.
There is no good reason.
I make daily choices to live an active, healthy lifestyle, to be strong and fit.
But this other...well...these are just things I have always said...cloaking my own deep seeded dissatisfaction and self loathe in humor of some sort.
But...no one has ever really called me out on it in this way- until now.
And I am quite certain I am not alone.
So I will do for you what my 12 year old did for me:
Why are YOU being so mean to yourself?
Sadly, if you're like me, you've become desensitized to your own self criticism-
barely even hearing the condemnation that comes out of your mouth, makes its home in your thought life...and as a result strikes dangerous blows to your soul.
It isn't harmless, humorous, or humble.
There is nothing wrong with striving towards excellence in all that you are or all that you do: family, education, health, fitness, job, and the list goes on...
But there is everything wrong with abusing God's most valued creation in the attempt to get there: you.
You're valuable not because of all that you were, are, or could be.
No, you are valuable because HE has determined your worth!
Striving to be better is futile. Striving to know Jesus? Empowering!
Because here is the amazing part:
He knows you best...and He still loves you the most.
Hard to comprehend? I know.
Hard to believe? I know.
Hard to let go of old patterns? Heck yeah, I know!
But can you imagine with me for a moment, your Heavenly Father looking with such adoration at His created one, as Love holds your face in His hands, and with piercing simplicity says,
"Why? Why are you being so mean to yourself?"
So...I grab grace yet again, asking Him to take all of me and replace it with all of Him...believing....believing that regardless of the image staring back at me in my mirror this truth remains:
what I may see as a nothing, God created for a something.
Regardless of where you are, or even where you aren't: stop being mean to yourself.
Choose His perspective.
Your Creator makes no mistakes...let Him sculpt the Masterpiece.
"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something."
Psalm 139:13-16 MSG