I am not a troubled sleeper....usually.
Lately, I have not rested as well as usual and it is honestly getting on my nerves.
I am the one who falls asleep as my head is on the way to the pillow, or-and Jarrett will back me up on this- in the middle of a sentence that I am reading aloud to you from the computer screen!
It's not the falling asleep, but the staying there that has been hit or miss as of late.
Friday night was one of those nights.
I woke up at 3:30.
Rolled over and looked at the clock at 4:15.
Prayed some more.
Along came 4:45...
You know those times when you know it is more than yourself keeping you awake? Maybe you do, maybe you don't....but I came to the point where I knew I wasn't supposed to be lying in that bed anymore. My spirit has been roused by the Holy Spirit. Something was up and He needed me up...
Finally, I said, "Ok Lord. I get it. I am getting up. What do you want me to do?"
And so I went-you could even say somewhat begrudgingly-to mine and the Lord's meeting place in the den, Bible and journal in hand, and waited....
And as I did, I felt impressed to write.
I didn't think and write, I simply wrote and then read what came out...and it was such an amazing thing when I went back and read!
The Holy Spirit molded my spirit into His desire in a matter of lines on a page and so gently led me to a place where I could receive...so sweetly plowed the hardened ground of my heart...so lovingly tuned the ears of my spirit to His frequency...
...and nothing else mattered.
It was a refreshing like no amount of sleep could ever bring.
I love Him SO much!
I mean, I really just love that He loves that time with me and will wake me up to get it.
So, what follows here is a rare excerpt from my journal from that early morning hour that the Holy Spirit has nudged me to share, because I want you to see how precious He is and how willing He is to be the most tender of Shepherds and guide you where you need to go...if you will just be willing to follow...
I can't sleep.
I don't know why.
Any noble purpose I've let slip by.
Some other one may have known what to do
In these moments given, this morning, brand new.
I can think of millions of tasks to fill the time-
All menial and domestic-nothing sublime.
But there's a need to satisfy down in my spirit and soul,
An emptiness calling, longing to be whole!
My spirit has been awakened to commune with Your love,
To lay aside earthly burdens and focus above.
Who You are awaits to show me who I can be.
Illuminate my mind, help these blind eyes to see!
So how can I answer, more than, "Here I am!",
And position myself before the Spotless Lamb?
In this unadultered hour, all I want is YOU.
As the moon begins to hide, let Your Son rise, revealing TRUTH.
There's a thinness to the walls that have seemed to separate,
A Divine entrance fashioned, a spiritual floodgate!
Anticipation trickles into the fog of my spirit,
Burned away by expectation as Your Holiness comes near it!
So come, Holy Spirit, take me where I dare not go!
Overwhelm this earthen vessel, help me receive what You desire me to know.
And I will wait before You.........
No, I won't leave...I'll adore You.....
You are why
I won't sleep.
Ezekiel 36:25-28(The Message)
"I'll pour pure water over you and scrub you clean. I'll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I'll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that's God-willed, not self-willed. I'll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands. You'll once again live in the land I gave your ancestors. You'll be my people! I'll be your God!"