AAAAH! All I want to do is complete a sentence and it seems as though lately I can't even do that! A freshly painted, yet not fully decorated kitchen, scrapbook pages prepped but not prepared, books of song lyrics written but not composed, flea market finds needing to be refurbished, digital photos stored and never shared, decorating items purchased yet not placed, devotional ideas noted but not fully written, green belt gotten but black belt never attained, lists made and never checked off, cabinets crammed and not cleaned...and there's more...but even this list I can't seem to complete! It seems as though I work and work, toil and labor and the pile never lessens...the epitome of the reason I HATE laundry: it is never complete!
Perception not always being reality, many reading this who know me slightly may be surprised by this revelation itself- while those who know me well may only be surprised to find that I am finally admitting how much like my mother I actually am! As I have solidly stepped into this new decade of mine now, I have to honestly look at my self and my life...and I am sometimes taken a back a the reality of who I am! The difference now is I don't run away from it as often! Here's the truth of the matter: I am wracked with incompleteness. It isn't that I get bored with one thing or another, it is that I want to be able to do them all at once, and do them all perfectly. My artistic mind goes 90 miles a minute, I get excited about possibilities, my drive to create takes over and there you have it....I have stepped into another thing that longs for completion!
So, recently, as I sat amidst these many loose ends beginning to entangle and on the verge of strangling me...the Lord showed me one area in which my perception of incompleteness did not represent failure: walking out my relationship with Him.
You see, I am made complete in Him alone: "But if anyone obeys His word, God's love is truly made complete in him; Whoever claims to live in Him, must walk as Jesus did."(1John 2:5-6)I will never "arrive" as a believer- it is a process- a process that I have to walk out and as I do, try to follow after the only perfect model for living to ever step foot on this earth: Jesus. Just like all the many loose ends around me that can never be neatly tied up all at one time, it is irrational for me to feel like I am going to "have it all together" all the time as a believer. As a matter of fact, I set myself up for the very failure I am trying to avoid when I act I though I do have it all together. Why? Because it is then that I have begun to work under my power and from my own desires. Paul reminds us of Jesus' Words to us: " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."(2 Corinthians 12:8) My flesh will tell me time and again that I have to have it all and do it all...and do it all perfectly. But the Lord will never require of me perfection that I can never attain...He will only ask me to , "...throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and...run with perseverance the race marked out for us... and to, " fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."(Hebrews 12:1-2)
The height, breadth, and depth of God's completeness, I can never fully attain...it just means I always have something to look forward to in Christ! No, I am not satisfied with my incompleteness as a believer, but like all the other things, I admit it. And by admitting it, I am embracing the opportunity for the Holy Spirit to make glimpses of Christ's completeness known in me....
Maybe now that I have admitted all the other things I haven't finished, I can embrace the "opportunity" for some family and friends to make their "completeness" known- in my garage, my cabinets, my closets, my.....no?....oh well....it was worth a shot!