When hurt is in the deep, deep places, so unseen, it is hard to know how to walk forward.
I only know to write and to worship what is raging and stirring in my spirit. I just don't know any other way.
So here I am, fingers to keyboard, not knowing what He has me to say and what He needs me to hear.
When hurt and grief grab us unexpectedly, chaos happens inside.
We look a mess trying to fumble through our days, stumble through the mess of broken ground around our hearts. Our minds are stuck in the waves of our ache and our tears and by all intents and purposes- these aches and pains are not even truly our own.
We look a mess trying to fumble through our days, stumble through the mess of broken ground around our hearts. Our minds are stuck in the waves of our ache and our tears and by all intents and purposes- these aches and pains are not even truly our own.
We ache because our friends ache.
We hurt because they hurt.
We grieve because they grieve.
And we grasp for words to say, to heal. But we find that all the words are thin and the healing seems so far away.
I sit and weep over pain that only the Holy Spirit could open my heart to feel for another.
And I am not alone. That is the compassion of our God, isn't it? That He would drop into our spirit even a small twinge of what our friend is trudging through because He will not allow her to walk that path isolated and alone. He. Will. Not.
My heart is so torn and broken. But I know that those who loved intimately this life lost, their heart must feel broken and scattered so hopelessly.
And so I get on my knees and cry out that God gather those pieces to Himself and for His glory.
He alone is good. Even when it hurts so deeply, when the pain is so relentless…His love is deeper still…His love is a fiery passion that will NEVER stop pursuing us even in the dark and hard places.
The victory is His. Not will be…but already is. We live FROM that Hope, not FOR it. Death IS conquered. And because HE lives, WE can live. My friend’s daughter now lives eternally.
My heart aches in so many ways today.
Questions flood my soul…
Do those around me know this love?
Are my children rooted in the truth of this One and Only Lover of their soul?
Is my walk with Him intentional or haphazard?
Would I be able to cling like this to Jesus when the pain of the world has wounded me so?
Is my faith strong enough to bear the weight of whatever life brings?
Is Christ truly enough for me?
Am I content to live as His yet never share the desperate need for the Savior with those far from relationship with Him?
Do I walk in boldness or do I bow to fear?
Am I living comfortable in my salvation or captivated by my Jesus?
Jana, my friend who has suffered such great loss, said to me once,
“Comfort is a terrible life goal.”
I wrote those words down.
I don’t know if these are her words or ones she simply passed along to me.
Either way, they struck deeply that day.
I had been living for comfort. And it is such an easy trap to fall into. Before we know it we are back on the couch of our lives, settled into complacency and our voice of truth not carrying past the door of our heart.
I cannot be content with comfort in some thin version of Christianity when so many do not know, when so many do not have relationship with my Jesus.
There is no way to stand when life’s blow is so sweeping, swift, and powerful…unless….unless
your ROCK,
your ROCK,
your FOUNDATION,
your HOPE,
your POWER,
your VICTORY,
your CONFIDENCE
is Jesus.
We will still weep today and in days to come.
Our hearts will still ache for our friend.
We will still call on our God to be near in the watches of the night.
And our God will dry our tears.
Our God will embrace us in the ache.
Our God will answer and empower us to stand strong in days to come and rest in peace in the darkest of nights.
We will not be shaken. No.
We will be STIRRED to action in His name and for His glory.
We will not be paralyzed with the SHOCK of it all. NO.
We will let this SHOCKWAVE be the SURGE of power that catapults us into greatness for the Kingdom of God.
We will not be SILENCED in the suffering. No.
We will SHOUT the praise of our GOOD GOD.
We WILL- in the hurt, in the sorrow, in the pain, in the confusion, in the unanswered questions, in the anger, in.it.all- we WILL shout the praise of our good, good God.
That is what our gone-home-so-young-friend is doing right now.
And I am sure sweet Ally would want it no other way.
And this? Do not doubt that this is some of the hardest #SimpleTruth to write and hear.
My prayers are not ceasing. Please join me.
~Julie
